PMS/Self Control

Most women go crazy and lose emotional control once a month. There are a few out there, like my self, who pride themselves in being emotionally in control. I never would let the symptoms of PMS take over my life or change my behavior.

However, recently I have found that PMS has taken an all new, and ever so strong, hold on my emotions and brain that I have lost almost all of my once prided self control. I can't imagine how women can go thru this every month for the majority of their life. I'm so exhausted from just a few overwhelming PMS episodes. The thing that bothers me the most is that I know what I'm doing but I lack the will, or even the want, to control my actions. Not only my action are continuing unchecked. My feelings are left to run away and cause my emotions to rollercoaster out of control.

I can't understand if I've lost my will or if I'm simply a little hormonally imbalanced. What ever it is should get in check soon or my poor family is going to think I'm crazy. I know I'm not the only one who has distributive PMS. My goal is to get my feelings and actions back in check. First step is to prepare myself every day with a determination to triumph in emotional self control.

Moving!!??

Happy, excitement, panic, nervous, scared, relieved... These are all the feelings that came flooding in when i realized that Ry wasn't joking about us moving to England. I was SO happy and relieved that we would be close to Ry's mom and not in some crazy foreign country all by ourselves. The panic, nervousness and scared came from not knowing what to do and feeling very unprepared.

I can't wait to go and spend time with my mother in law. I want so much for her to see the kids and get to know them. As well as the kids get to know the other side of the family. Plus, all my own family history that I'm eager to learn and see. We (the hubby and I) are so ready to travel through Europe other countries that are at hand. How awesome will it be to visit France and Ireland!

With all this good it hurts me to be so sad about going. I'm going to miss my Family WAY TO MUCH!! I'm super close to my mom and talk to her everyday. Am i going to lose this when we move? Will Ben and Lani even remember me? How will they know how much their Auntie loves them if i can't hug them and tell them so? Ugh! i feel my heart breaking! I can't think about this with out starting to cry.

Another thing, i don't know how our money will work, how to get around, the language differences, driving on the left side. What about sending packages home for holidays? What should we get rid of before we go? The questions are every where and all over the board. Yet, at times i can't remember a thing! Part of me says I'm being to worry some, but another part is freaking out saying "What if there is some thing i haven't thought of?" and "Can i really do this?"

I'm trying my best not to freak out and let my family and friends know how scared i really am. They keep saying it will be all right and I'm stronger then i know but they don't even know half of how freaked out i truly am. My heart starts beating really fast and i feel nauseated and sick to my stomach when we start talking about it. Even now, I'm dizzy.

God, Help me to FULLY trust in you!