The babysitting TV

I remember, when i had my first child, so many women raved about not letting the TV become a babysitter for my daughter. They all said how my poor kids would become "brain dead" and lose their social skills. 


For some reason opinions, of moms that is, has seemed to change recently. All the doctors and child developmental specialist on TV and through books keep saying that too much TV is bad and limit kids to what seems like and almost unrealistic amount of TV a week. I've seemed to notice, however, that many moms find their kids favorite television shows as some what of a life saver. 


While some moms are being good and making their kids do puzzles, read books, or play outside other moms are giving in to the pressure and turning on Micky Mouse Club House. If your like me, it's become one of the only times during the day that you can think and it' become addictive. So, while the kids aren't being annoying or bad and while I'm not needing a break or a moment to think, I've become addicted to the peace, solitude and moment to breath that playing their favorite programs has afforded me. I know that it may seem "horrid" to some of the women out there that made it through motherhood with out 'on demand'. 

I have tried to find a balance between my addiction, their want and what is good for us all. Let me just be honest. There are times when I know I should pick up a book and read to my kids, there are times when I know I should put down my iPhone and play with my kids and there are times when I know I should turn off the TV and get creative with my kids but I lack the energy and motivation to do so. It doesn't last long though. After a few days of Barney and Cars2, a feeling of guilt overwhelms me. I engage with my children and play with them to the point where they begin to get sick of me. They begin to go off and play together with out Mommy. Then I enjoy the solitude and my addiction starts all over again. 


So, I've made it my goal to be balanced. I know that not every day will turn out as I hope but that will not keep me from trying to improve. Every mom can learn from another mom, or even mom-to-be. I take what I see from friends and family and use it to help improve the lives of my children, in turn, improving my life as well. I don't know it all and I am will to learn. I'll take advice and criticize it in a heart beat, not because I think it's bad but because i want the theory and knowledge behind it to be fully understood. 


Here starts the end of giving in, and here starts the beginning of being strong and knowing that I Can handle what is at my feet. 

Faith in Reality.

Is it loss of faith to want to face reality?

I was asked this question today and it really has me thinking. My simple response was "No, it is not loss of faith to want to face reality". Many reasons for my answer went thru my head and I gave the ones that applied to the situation. My first thought, God is Reality. Christ came to earth... ever heard the saying "come back to earth" or "stop living in the clouds" or "snap into reality"? Christ came to our reality to help us in our real situations. How is facing the reality losing faith? Trusting in God when all hope is lost, but what are you trusting him for? Some say that we should never give up and that giving up is also giving up on your faith and hope. Taking action or moving to change things, even when those around say its taboo, is not losing faith. Stepping out, trusting God will take care of you despite what others think or say is a tremendous act of faith.

Going against all odds, throwing your self into the unknown, scared, terrified really, but trusting that God will hold out his hand and cover your heart, That is real faith. Bad things will happen, doubt will come, others will look down in judgement, but God knows your heart. Leaning on him will get you thru. Yes you will get bumps. Maybe even bruises, but you'll be surprised with how strong you really are. Like the song says, "My strength is in you, Lord and My hope is in you, Lord and My faith is in you, Lord". In him we find strength to carry on, Hope to carry on and Faith to carry on. Know that there is more than this moment that you are living for. There is more than this life that we are living for. An eternity with our Father is our goal, our true life's work, and to bring as many with us as possible. Living our life as an example for him, even when our life is a mess. Especially when other's see all the bad and none of the good.

There is one simple thing that everyone should know whenever things are good or bad, God Is Love. He gives it to us freely, all we need to is trust and acknowledge him as our Lord and Savior. God loves all, but we have to except it. He already loves us, cares, and is ready to take on the challenges we face holding our hand and guiding us thru. Are we willing to let go and let God.

Yesterday was hard, but i'm ok now....

The day started off great. The kids were both in a good mood and so was i. We got on the web cam with my mom and things were going fine. Aedin was starting to get tired and fussy and i was a lil on the short temper side. I had to keep stoping and taking a deep breath. Alana was all in my face but i know she just wanted to play. Poor Alana hasn't been getting very much attention lately and it's tearing me up inside.

Ryan calls and says we have an appointment to go to in 3 hours. My initial reaction was "UGH!" I was already having a hard time with the kids and now i'm gonna have to find time to get the kids and myself ready. By this time it was eleven and i hadn't yet found time to eat. I threw something together for Alana and then went to put myself together. Thank God, Aedin had fallen asleep so i could get ready. Twelve thirty rolls around and I put Aedin in his car seat, diaper bag and Alana are ready to go... but no Ryan. I thought maybe he got held up at work so i waited. It was almost one so i called Ryan at work.... the appointments not till one thirty... i was a lil irritated and mad. I rushed to be ready by noon. Why didn't he tell me the right time... did he not trust that i would be ready on time?!

The appointment was an irritating and frustrating topic in it self, for me at least. Passports, ugh, after Ryan insisted on getting passports off base when we didn't need to. I tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen to me... after all what do i know... he read the paper work, not me. Then to get there and find out that it will be $422 times three!!! Thank God, Alana had to potty cause i needed to get out of there. While i was gone Ryan explained to the lady about our other passports and she explained to him how to get it on our GTC. So, Hopefully he does all the the way she said and we don't have to pay for anything.

On top of all this frustration Ryan was being weird. He kept leaving me alone with the kids to go out side by him self or in the garage... After the kinda day i had he wasn't even gonna help me with the kids. All i wanted to do was have him put his arm around me and take some of the stress of the kids from me but instead i got ignored. I wanted to go cry in his arms but i couldn't and this made me mad. Then, to top a bad day off with crap, he told me that I was the reason why he was sad and having a bad day! I wanted to just go off! Inside i was but i couldn't allow my self to on the outside. He said that i wasn't giving him a say in the leave dates that HE asked me to figure out with him. When he got frustrated with it i asked him if he just wanted to me to do it and he could go over it later... he said yes. I only did what he wanted me to do but i'm the bad guy for some reason. I couldn't understand where he was getting this from. I hadn't done anything wrong but i was being treated like i did.

I called my Mom this morning to ask her to pray and she had some insight for me. I thank God for my Mom. Now i have a better understanding of where my husband is coming from and how to address it. I'm not angry any more. Just a lil hurt but i'll get over it. The important thing is that Ry knows how much i love him and how much i value his opinion. So, i have a lot to do today. On top of taking care of the kids i have a butt load of house work, which is too much for me to get done in one day with out help, and i need to find a way to show my love to Ry in a way that he needs it. I can't make today about me, it's about my hubby. Time to start my mission for the day.