Moving!!??

Happy, excitement, panic, nervous, scared, relieved... These are all the feelings that came flooding in when i realized that Ry wasn't joking about us moving to England. I was SO happy and relieved that we would be close to Ry's mom and not in some crazy foreign country all by ourselves. The panic, nervousness and scared came from not knowing what to do and feeling very unprepared.

I can't wait to go and spend time with my mother in law. I want so much for her to see the kids and get to know them. As well as the kids get to know the other side of the family. Plus, all my own family history that I'm eager to learn and see. We (the hubby and I) are so ready to travel through Europe other countries that are at hand. How awesome will it be to visit France and Ireland!

With all this good it hurts me to be so sad about going. I'm going to miss my Family WAY TO MUCH!! I'm super close to my mom and talk to her everyday. Am i going to lose this when we move? Will Ben and Lani even remember me? How will they know how much their Auntie loves them if i can't hug them and tell them so? Ugh! i feel my heart breaking! I can't think about this with out starting to cry.

Another thing, i don't know how our money will work, how to get around, the language differences, driving on the left side. What about sending packages home for holidays? What should we get rid of before we go? The questions are every where and all over the board. Yet, at times i can't remember a thing! Part of me says I'm being to worry some, but another part is freaking out saying "What if there is some thing i haven't thought of?" and "Can i really do this?"

I'm trying my best not to freak out and let my family and friends know how scared i really am. They keep saying it will be all right and I'm stronger then i know but they don't even know half of how freaked out i truly am. My heart starts beating really fast and i feel nauseated and sick to my stomach when we start talking about it. Even now, I'm dizzy.

God, Help me to FULLY trust in you!

Twila Paris - God Is In Control

Men and Women

I know God has created men and women different... but oh my gosh!!! Every time i think the hubby and i have agreed on some thing i find out that he had some thing totally different in mind.

For instance, when we were choosing a crib for my first born i thought we had decided on a convert-a-bed. Now two years later we have to buy a new bed cause the convert-a-bed is just falling apart. My daughters mattress in on the floor because the bolts on the bed are stripped and we couldn't get the mattress holder back on, even with special screws that are suppose to unscrew stripped bolts. I asked the hubby one night if we were going to buy a new bed for Alana as well, as a crib for the baby. He chuckled at me and made a smart comment about how "I" insisted on having the convert-a-bed. It really hurt my feelings. I thought we both agreed on that bed.

I'm not picking the baby bed this time around. I can't understand why when i don't ask his opinion i'm accused of being insensitive and not valuing his opinion but when i ask what he wants i'm accused of pushing my opinion on him and pressuring him to make a choice. I can't understand how, after three years of marriage, he can still say that he doesn't think i value his opinion. He still thinks i push my opinion on him and all i do is ask what he thinks and why. He has NO idea how much this hurts!

How will i, or will i ever get across to him that i truly do want to know what he thinks and i don't want choices in our life to be made based solely on what i want? I hate it when i find out that he just gave in to what i wanted cause he didn't think his opinion mattered. When i ask why he wants that he instantly assumes that i'm challenging his idea when i only want to understand his idea. So, he gives in to what i want and then resents me for not getting his way.

I must admit this issue gives me many nights of stress and crying. If i'm really the problem then i pray God changes me, if it's just him being insecure then i pray God changes that. But this issue has already cause pain and hurt on my end and i have to pray God heals and restores this part of my marriage.